Autism-investigation nearing end

imageAt 16:45, as he was about to go home, the psychologist phoned me from BUP to, as he said, ask me the missing questions really quick, but letting me know that he did not want any lengthy answers since HE WANTED TO GO HOME! I did not know whether to get insulted or start crying at the inconsideration. First of all, to phone a mother who may have two sons with ADHD and one with autism, and three teenagers who are not always so good at dealing with our 10-year-old’s ADHD, at 16:45, is asking for trouble. That is that magical hour when people start getting REALLY bored and start getting hungry. Which in my house means extra fighting and screaming. Secondly, to ring someone with six children home for a week-long holiday, is not the smartest since the weather itself excludes any fun outdoor play and by Wednesday, everyone is going on each other’s nerves. Being bored to tears. Third, to phone and start the conversation with the implied words “I don’t really want to do this, I don’t really have the time for this”, is extremely rude. It makes me think that I am a burden. A terrible inconvenience when he could be home with his wife and daughter, a NORMAL daughter. Fourth, if he does not want lengthy answers, in order to go home, does that mean that he is just asking them as a courtesy but the answers do not really matter for his final assessment? It all makes one start to wonder!?

Questions

1. Does he shake his head as he is saying no? We had determined that he nods when saying yes or wanting something. After our interview date, we went home and paid attention to what he does in another way than before. And yes, he does shake his head as a compliment to saying no or as an answer by itself.

2. Does he point at something that he wants at the same time as looking at it? I did not know that it constituted you being abnormal if you don’t but the answer is that he looks at the digestive biscuits up in the cupboard when he points to them and begs to have some.

3. Does he do roll play? Well, since Christmas he has started doing voices for his trains and cars. And when he plays Mr. Bean with Daniel or T. As well as when he acts out other films. But no, he does not talk in character when in settings not pertaining to the play. He will not talk like Mr. Bean or Larry, the night guard, at the dinner table.

4. Does he smile at others when making contact? Everyone says that he is adorable and I don’t think they would say so if he did not make contact with people wearing a smile on his face, twinkle in his eyes and giving people a hug or crawling up on their lap. When children approach him? This I have told both doctor, him and the special ed teacher that they should ask the pre-school about, since that is where other children might approach him. They don’t in church unless they are babies and then he bends over to them, smiles, try to say something, pats them on the head, try to take their hand, try to hug them and turns to me and says “Baby is cute”. He was not satisfied with the answer. Well, I said, how about doing what the pre-school thinks should have been done from the beginning. Observing him a couple of times. I brought up that when a stranger comes in to a group of children, they do not act the way they usually do. They play clowns, or are painfully aware that they are being observed so their actions lack spontaneity. If you go a couple of times, the newness of it all wears off and they go back to what they usually do and how they usually behave. The “new” person is no longer exciting, fascinating and new.

He was sighing and told me that he wanted to go home. If he could have seen my look he would have understood exactly how upset I was. I don’t care if he wanted to go home. It’s not my problem at all. I did not make the phone call, he did. Too bad he just wanted to kill some time till he legally could leave work at 17:00. I don’t work on the same time schedule as him. I work 24 hour shifts! My time is as valuable as his and I don’t even get paid.

I guess the special ed teacher does not want to observe him again because today they sent me our next appointment at BUP, the 18 March at 13:00 and not only am I disappointed that they will not observe him more, to get a look at what he actually CAN do instead of what she just looked for during one hour, what he can NOT do. They did not even care to find out whether T. and I can be there at that time. They should know by now, after me talking a lot about it, that I fetch “Gubby” from pre-school at noon. That means that we have a child with us at 13:00 who is not supposed to be present at the meeting. Also 30 minutes later, one of us has to head off to the school to fetch “Kitty” and “Boo”. This meeting is supposed to last 90 minutes and is called “the return of the assessment results”. In other words, this is the most important meeting of all. This is when he will get his sentence and both of us sitting there on needles since children have to be fetched and one child being bored to tears. I tried to change it with the secretary and she said she can’t. Only the special ed teacher can do that. The secretary can’t even get in to her computer system and see what might be available. So I told her “tell L. that the only time we can do it is after 9:30 and the latest 10:00.” At this point, I am not going to be diplomatic about it. Welcome to my world. I have no “own” time and can’t flush out babysitters from I don’t know what. T. and I are it! We can’t call for any help from anywhere. Our children are ours and our responsibility. Sorry if that doesn’t suit the system!

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