I was sent a date and time to show up at the speech therapist’s and it was not a good time at all. But it is a regular mess to try to change since they don’t have that many times to choose from in the first place. Cut backs, cut backs! So I just accepted the 14:15 time yesterday, and talked to “Boo’s” and “Kitty’s” teachers about fetching them already at 13:30 to make it to the hospital on time and finding a parking place. The head at the pre-school was going to show up as well to get input on what they have done so far and what they can work with next…
“Sparky’s” speech has exploded the last couple of months, he says the funniest things that are well thought through, very clever things, and shows that he is very much part of what is going on around him. So I did have a little hope about him impressing yesterday. I was upset about having to bring the other two bickering fighters but beggars can’t be choosers. But I packed their new Spiderman colouring books, plain paper to draw on, crayons and coloured pencils. I also packed their favourite rice cakes with pizza spices on them. There are plenty of play things in the waiting room and a big fish tank. Plus a lot of comic books. I thought they would be fine. Especially since “Kitty” reminded everyone that if they behaved, they would get ice cream afterwards.
We got to the parking lot and found parking place, everyone behaved walking all the way to the voice- and speech house. There we found the pre-school teacher and the boys happily showed off their Legoland T-shirts, that they were all wearing. “Boo” started to play on some bongo drums and “Sparky” tried to grab them, so the fighting started but I told “Boo” that we were soon going in to the speech therapist, and then he would have them all to himself, so could he please let “Sparky” have them till then. He agreed and right then she arrived and called us in.
“Sparky” sat down and reached out his arm to shake her hand. She spoke a little to him and then took out the testing materials where she asked him to point at pictures sometimes, and sometimes asked him to name a thing that she pointed at. He was great. Did it all correctly. Then she got out a game where you interact and go shopping for things on a shopping list. You have paper trolleys and ask for this and this item. He had a fun time and did great. And then he was going to be allowed to play when we talked between us, speech therapist, pre-school teacher and I. But we barely got started before “Boo” rushed in and screamed that “Kitty” had kicked him and was taking the bongo drums downstairs to hide them. Then the nurse arrived and said that she could not have this go on out there, that we had to conclude the meeting. We had not heard a thing inside so I was surprised, ashamed and embarrassed. We had to conclude and the pre-school teacher stayed to get info and talk a little bit about how things work at the pre-school. And I had to grab my boys and leave.
The boys expected ice-cream and I just said “Forget it! You haven’t behaved so why should you get a reward now when we had to conclude early and I am forced to call her back tomorrow at 13:00 to be able to find out what she thinks!”. They were mad. “Kitty” thought all was “Boo’s” fault who had played too loud according to “Kitty”, so that he was going to remove the instrument… It didn’t matter, I had heard warning signs from the speech therapist already which pre-occupied my mind more and more on the way home. She did not care that he is sorting out two languages, that he actually turns to his father and speaks all the English that he knows by now, and keeps the Swedish for me. She did not care that he makes wise comments. She basically thinks that he doesn’t understand a thing, that he is just like a parrot, repeating what he has heard and that he doesn’t understand that language is for communication. That he doesn’t understand deep down. It’s a bunch of crap but what can I do about it? It’s what she puts in her papers.
Today I managed to get hold of her as late as 13:25 and her verdict is that she is sending him to another psychologist because she has decided that he is autistic. She doesn’t feel like he looks at her enough like normal children do, that he doesn’t interact the way he ought to, doesn’t smile when he should or as long as he should. Strange, because he hugs us all, he looks us long in the eye, sometimes he even grabs my face to look deeply and closely in to my eyes and then he laughs. He smiles and is happy all the time here at home. He has a wonderful sense of humour. Laughs at the right places. And sees the fun in things before others do. I can say no to having him sent to these autism specialists, but then she will probably report us to social welfare so what can I really do, but go with him and sit through it all. It doesn’t matter in the end anyway does it? He is who he is. IF something is wrong, I can’t drive down to IKEA and ask for a new item or for new spare parts. IF something is wrong, he is still our wonderful and loving boy. He will be branded as sick in the head in all papers, but since Sweden is saving money, he will not get any help. I tried to explain to the speech therapist that what they do is just label children, there are no money to get any help for anything. “Kitty” got his diagnosis as being a letter-child, but he has got zero help. So what was the point in labeling him? Am I suppose to feel better from that our what? That society just wish him away?