My family are nagging on me to go back to the University and finish my studies. Daniel wants me to finish my thesis, which was the only thing missing for my degree. I haven’t told them that with all the changes at the University, they might have changed everything, so that my points don’t count anymore. That is what I fear the most, that all those years were entirely wasted. The whole student loan still unpaid. What a nightmare! What if I will have to start all over again, from the beginning, because the old and the new system might not be compatible. I just took a look at the courses in the history department and I am clueless as to what is going on there. The new point-system does not make any sense at all to me.
So I decided to go to a site where you can see what is recorded on you. It saying that everything might not have been logged in to the new system. Great! How will I be able to prove things this many years after the fact? Why was I such an idiot and went to the US instead of getting a degree here at home first? Complete idiot! I created an account on the site but still can’t get in. Now I have to wait for a code to arrive in the post. Then I can log in to see what is recorded on me. I fear the worse. The Religion History Department were so sloppy! I bet they never got it recorded that any of us took that course in Judaism autumn 1994, 20 entire points. While I loved the course, I refuse to take it once again!
But who am I fooling? How could I go back to school? Only having a couple of free hours each day. Less so next year, when “Dollie” starts gymnasium, and can’t take her brothers on the bus to school, in the morning. “Cookie” has such a low self-esteem that she picks a fight with them ALL the time. She can not be in charge. She could never ever handle “Kitty”. I really am fed up with the situation. It has occured to me to perhaps look for help and see if he is entitled to taxi since he is “handicapped”. But they might just tell me to place him in a local school instead. In a way, I am tempted. To just give in and put him on medication and then let him sink or swim in the council school. 30 children or more in every class. Him getting thrown out when he misbehaves or doesn’t do as told. Then they would send him to a “special ed” school with retarded children, Down’s Syndrome and other “letter children”. His ADHD is no blessing but cheer hell to live with. Going back to the University might be the last straw that would break me. The stress of studying at the same time as looking after three boys that need me A LOT. Not to mention the others that need me from time to time, for assignments and everything else that a mother is needed for, even if they have entered the teenage years and feel that I’m a useless old bag. Well, “Cookie” is not a teenager yet, but soon, and has not said anything of the sort. But she ignores what I tell her. And Daniel, well he hasn’t been unappreciative either. But one teenager treating you like a turd is enough!
It looks like it’s too late to apply for anything for the autumn now anyway, but I might as well find out what my chances are for going back, and what will be required. If it looks like it is hopeless, then I guess I will have to continue knowing that I wasted my life away, having been only ten points away, one thesis away from my degree. And continue looking at the student loan statements just growing every year. A loan that was pointless without a degree.