No, I am not swearing in the title, but that what it was like, literally, and I could not really get anything done, let alone be on my blog. So now I am trying to catch up.
After dropping “Sparky” at pre-school, I drove off to the supermarket, to buy the pastries that the children have talked of, all week. Everyone looking forward to them, very much, since they are always so sweet looking in pink and with hearts and so on. We actually had a nice morning, thanks to the anticipation of them. “Boo” abandoned his seat at the kitchen table and went and sat beside “Kitty” this morning. I thought, “oh oh, this will not end well at all” but they were so sweet to each other and turned to me and said “Congratulations on Valentine’s Day!”. Cute! Wrong phrase but who cares when they behave like angels? They walked off ahead of “Dollie”, since she took forever to get ready, as friends, no fighting, no bickering, no screaming.
So, I was happy when I entered the outer shop of the supermarket, where they sell stamps, lottery tickets, hot dogs and pastry. To my horror I saw no sign of it being Valentine’s Day, so I had to ask the only one working that morning, a 20+ girl. She brought out a sheet they had printed out and pointed at the pastry they had ordered from a bakery in Lund. I asked her when they would be in. About 11:00. I asked if she could hold 7 for me. She got so upset! Yes, she would hold them if I would come in and fetch them at noon, but I was told in an unkind manner that I should have ordered them the day before? Why? Because they had only ordered 20 in the first place! And why was that my problem? If I go in and say, please give me 7 pastries, are they going to say, no, there is a limit of two per customer???? Why would it be different if I have them put aside, or if I stand in front of the girl ordering them while I see them behind the counter? So, I gave my name and phone number, feeling upset, and then she balled me out again, for not having ordered them the day before. Walking out, I felt angry. Why did I not just drive over to the bakery and buy them then and there? They are up at the crack of dawn baking and have them out, as soon as they open the door to customers. I wanted the supermarket points and got insulted in to the bargain. So, next year, I will do no such thing as ordering the day before, like she ordered me to do. The supermarket can keep their pastries and I will support the local bakery instead! Should have done that in the first place!
During the day, my bleeding got worse and worse. I fetched the boys, but did not want to leave my seat in the car, so I was so happy that they both came on their own accord. I am worried sick about this bleeding that will not stop. How long can a miscarriage go on? It slowed down somewhat last week, but Valentine’s Day, it got really bad and then I mean scary bad! Big blobs of who knows what came out and Niagara Falls. But I still can’t get myself to phone the women’s clinic. I just don’t want to be scraped for anything. So I worry and worry.
The children were so excited when it came time to eating the pastry. Poor “Sparky” who still can’t speak well, sat “I don’t want to eat that!”, but by now we have learned that when he says that, he means that he DOES want to eat it. He gets these ideas in to his head, how to say things, and then he will not re-think. “Cookie”, “Kitty” and “Boo” had made me cards that they all had their siblings sign, so I got triple Valentine’s wishes from them all. T. bought me one single white rose. At least he did not forget the day entirely. But of course his LCHF did not allow him a pastry. He really is the worse party pooper and I can’t say that I felt particularly special. Except the love that the children show me, of course. They mean everything to me! And I hope the day felt special to them, since I really tried, even though the bleeding had me more often at the lavatory, than with them. I try my best to be there for them, even though I really don’t feel well. At the moment, life feels very unfair.