Update on my mum

I haven’t mentioned my mum for a while. One explanation of course being that she does not phone me and if she did, I am not so sure I would want to answer since she wrote the disgusting letter about me, to the court. I am mentioning that letter because I am now convinced that she did send it off after all. This, after I received an e-mail from the trustee. She had been on her way to go visit my mum and stopped by her post box first to take in the post. She wrote me that she was glad that she did because in the post, she had a letter from the highest court in Sweden. She was shocked. In Sweden there are three courts. The lowest court is the District Court. That is where my mum’s case ended up when she said that she did not want a trustee. They decided that she needed a trustee and appointed Hurtig. Then my mum made an appeal to the  Court of Appeal, which is the second level. Both Hurtig and I, had to write reasons to support the District Court’s decision and the doctor’s orders, that she doesn’t have the understanding or memory to look after herselfin all matters.  I had a long conversation with the Judge of that Court and he said that this is in my mother’s interest, that we are all trying to help her. But I worried that she would get hold of the letter I wrote and misunderstand it with her strange brain that only works sometimes. And I was right. She looks at me as the devil. I am the one that started all this, not the doctor that she has no memory of ever going to. And I am a ghastly person that has declared her mentally incapable, mentally disturbed. Well, in a way she is when she is fighting something that is there to help her so she does not get hurt or in to trouble. Well, what the letter said to Hurtig was that my mum had appealed to the Supreme Court, which is as far as you can go with a case in this country. They have thrown the case out now and the decision of the first court stands. My mum can not get away from having a trustee for the remainder of her life. But of course, she can refuse to open the door! And she can try to hurt Hurtig! So Hurtig did not dare to go home to my mum that day. She has to wait till things blow over OR my mum forgets I guess, which ought not be too long. But she wrote me and asked a very valid point: WHO is helping her???? Because my mother does not have the intelligence to make these appeals on her own. I know it sounds rude! But my mum has never ever had the language or the writing skills to write an appeal. Not before, and especially NOT NOW! So who is helping her? My sister has tried to find out, but nothing. We suspect that it is the loving neighbour that receives all the books my mum has finished reading. She is going through her bookcase, reading all the books and then give them away to this neighbour, that is definitely getting too involved and does not have my mum’s interest at hand. She should mind her own business. It all reminds me of the Hobgoods and of course I sit with the result of that so called relationship. They had my mother-in-law sign over all her money, house, belongings to them when she was mentally incapacitated. And as soon as she died, three months later, they filed for a divorce that she would never have approved of. If this Eva and husband can, I am sure they will try to do something like it since nothing of what they are doing, is good for my mum in the long run. They can’t be there ALL the time. They have their own life. And some other woman has entered my mum’s life as well, that took my mum to the sea during the summer to bathe and now goes for walks with her. Of course I am glad that she has company, but they will not be there for her always. It will always be on their terms, when they feel like it and have the time for it. What she needs is really care. No, not on the days when she is clear. But she has far too many days when she is “Mr. Hyde”.

Which brings me to one thing that has happened since I got back from London. One Saturday evening when we were ready to sit down and eat dinner, “Dollie’s” mobile phone rang. And she handed it to me with a strange look and said it was for me. I answer and it was my mum’s old class mate Ulla-Britt. The illusive lady that I have wanted to get in to contact with for a long time. I have been wanting to ask her how my mum has been, when she has seen her. And now she finally phoned me. She almost accused me of not wanting my mum to move down here, thinking that I am against it. So I had to put her right and tell her that I am aware of that my mum has been saying for two years now, that she wants to move down here. But that every time I have asked her about it, she declares that she has just started to think about it and emptying her attic. Ulla-Britt told me that the attic is empty now except the Christmas things, that they took the rest to the city dump. I also told her that we told her to move down here already 12 years ago but that she never listens to anything that I say. I explained what has happened since she and her husband took my mum to the real estate agent. That she refused to pay anything for the deeper inspection of the house and did not even remember that they had been there for a preliminary one. If you don’t pay, they can’t go ahead and try to sell the house for you! Ulla-Britt was shocked at this. She had talked to my mum the day before and then my mum said she wants to move down here. BUT she did not remember at all that Ulla-Britt and Arne, had visited her in August and helped her throw away things. Which has disappointed Ulla-Britt of course. She asked me what we should do. I told her what Hurtig wrote to me. That such a move would be very stressful for my mum. That Skåne is not the same place that she left in 1955. And that the change would be too much for her. Ulla-Britt said that perhaps it would hurry up the decay and who knows, it probably would. Even though what they had planned for her sounded really good. They live in Önneköp, a little place east of here, about half an hours drive I think. Across the road from their house, are these flats for elderly people that are retired and you can get alarm and everything that you might need and when you need it. The rent sounded very reasonable and she would not just get one room but I think Ulla-Britt said three rooms. So she could keep lots of her furniture, I’m sure. I did warn Ulla-Britt though that councils often do not want new elderly on their hands, since they do cost a lot of money and that such flats are probably reserved for elderly already living within the council boundaries. That she might want to check that up. She also promised to phone my mum and ask her if she REALLY wants to move down here, if she REALLY is serious about it, because then she has to do something about it. Ulla-Britt said that they have promised to help her with the move, so I think it is just her failing memory that is stopping her. At this point I am too tired to care. I can’t push her. I can’t do anything. I can’t even talk to her since all she wants to talk about is the court case and who turned her in and who brought her to court. Ulla-Britt and I talked for hours and I set her straight on many points. Not just she got disappointed in that conversation. I found out that when my mum was down here visiting them two years ago, they fetched her at the train station in Lund. In other words theyr drove by Sandby to get home. They told her to go visit us. I told her that my mum did never set her foot here, that she did not even phone and that I could have driven to Önneköp, easily, with the children, so she would have got to see them. That we could have gone for a “fika” at least (Cookie or cake break). Ulla-Britt agreed with me and was shocked over what she heard, since they had driven her down to her sister in Skurup and they thought that she also had gone here. We talked about her odd behaviour and her stubborness. The strange thing was that Ulla-Britt told me that she would phone my mum two days later and then phone me back. But she never phoned me. So what happened? Did they fall out? Did my mum act like “Mr. Hyde” on the phone or “Dr. Jekyll”? And why did she not contact me? Did her suspicions about me being an uncaring person get confirmed when she talked to me? What have my mum been telling her? She has told the person that helped her make the appeal, that I am a monster. I just feel so depressed. Noone can understand what my life has been like with a mother like this! Noone! And I have seven children to worry about plus a husband that is like an eighth child. And if this was not enough, now my health is failing. This is just too much. We are told in church that we are never tested beyond our capacity but I have reached the limit. I am standing at the very edge of the cliff or rather it feels like I have fallen over the edge but is holding on to some piece that is sticking out from the cliff, holding on for the life of me. It’s a terrible feeling to feel like you are sinking. I can’t deal with my mum’s problems. I have had enough. What good will I do to anyone if they have to lock me up in a psychiatric ward? But everyone just expects me to put Teflon coating on and take one blow after the next.

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