I am sitting here, so sleepy and not knowing how on Earth I am going to drive up to Eslöv in half an hour, AND stay awake doing so. Last week T. sent me a link to youtube: . “Dollie” stood breathing down my neck and wanted the big computer as usual. Heaven forbid that I should be able to use it now and then!? It’s the only computer that is fast enough to look at a video clip or something else that moves, over the internet. Anyway, I only got to see ten minutes of the above program, but it scared me witless! Since I am always deficient on iron, I need something to keep me awake all day. I have for many years been drinking Pepsi Max to be able to stay awake till it’s a reasonable time to go to bed in the evening. And now I found out, that the sweetener in this drink has been proven to give people brain tumours and motor neuron diseases. I quit drinking it the next day. But to go cold turkey was not something I can recommend. I wake up with a head ache every morning and let’s say, paracetamol, does nothing. But aspirin hurts so bad to take now, that I have had to stop using that as any kind of alternative to pain. And not only have I lived with a constant head ache since Wednesday of last week. I am also fatigued beyond anything. I am completely utterly exhausted and don’t know how on Earth I will be able to cope with life from now on. We are off on holiday on Friday. Who is going to drive? I am seriously contemplating either going on iron tablets even though they give me pains, cramps and unmentionable problems in the lavatory OR go back on the stupid Pepsi for the vacation and then go through the withdrawals again. But it feels upsetting to do so now when I know that it is pure poison and when I have come this far. The worse thing is to not know if I have already caused myself serious harm?!


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