Ascension Day

I still have not got out of bed. The computer was on stand-by all afternoon and evening, without electricity mind you, since I thought I would get back to it. The flashing blue light this morning reminded me to get back to it and check some mails and so forth. I need to get up and exercise, eat breakfast and start my day, but it is raining and I am so tired. Sat up and read all evening. I hate library books! To read against time is really not my thing. I like to relax and read, which you can’t do with those books. I ordered three books way back and have been in queue for them for months and they HAD to show up all three at once. The first one that came was “The Highly Sensitive Person”. All of our council wants to read it I suppose because I only got to keep it for 14 days and no chance of re-borrowing. Perhaps I got to read 100 pages in it. Difficult book to read since it was so deep that it had the same effect on me that I think valium would have. And then I managed to wiggle out of T. that he had ordered it for me for my Birthday. NO! Can’t I have something fun instead? His memory is as bad as my mother’s so I guess he has forgot the watch that he is supposed to give me. Anyway, Amazon wrote and said that the book depository had not shipped yet and that we needed to ask why. He never saw that e-mail. I wrote the book depository and told them to cancel the order! HA! So, now I know I am a highly sensitive person. What else is new? Like I didn’t already know! The psychologist told me last year when Serena Rose died, “you must get yourself a Teflon coating”. In other words, our society does not tolerate that one is sensitive, one must toughen up, and move on. Well, tough luck, I can’t! The book just tries to boost your ego and say that it is alright to be sensitive. Well it has to be, otherwise I might as well lay down and die.

After returning that book Tuesday, I started reading this one. I only get to keep that till Tuesday next week. Help! I am reading as fast as I can but when the book started talking about why Bayern was so extra fanatical in it’s anti-semitism and anti-democracy, I had to start taking notes. So the reading slowed down immensely. It’s not really that much a book on Eva Braun but one of Hitler the man, and Hitler, the way he wanted the world to see him. The development of the party and politics is a major part of this book so the historian in me MUST take notes. Which means that I really should have BOUGHT the book instead and highlighted throughout! But it’s still expensive. Maybe when it comes out in paperback? It had me sitting up till midnight. I could hardly read the words anymore. I think my eye sight has deteriorated and that I need new glasses but I refuse to buy new ones. I’m fine during the day, it’s in the evening when I get tired, that it’s a problem.

When I have finished this book I must speed read: Migraine Yoga. I took a peek in it yesterday and well, I am not sure I have the time to do this every day. It looks like it takes too long. But think if it could have helped my constant headaches and migraines? I am getting concerned! Waking up every morning with a head ache can’t be normal? And my migraines are turning in to 3-5 day events.  On the first page of the book it says “…you don’t have evil demons in your head and you are not being punished by God. You have a physical problem that you can solve.” Well, during those attacks, I really do feel like I am being punished by God, or rather my only thoughts are “would this not be a good time for you to take me home because I can not handle this pain anymore?!”.  But 4 1/2 hours of yoga every day for a mum of 7? This book was written by a man in his middle ages and he clearly has noone else to look after than himself! Wife waiting on him hand and foot, no doubt. Not quite my circumstances. The book might go back to the library sooner rather than later.

“Dollie” has left this morning for three days of camping! Young women in church are off for it’s yearly “Maj Hajk”. Well, the boys too, but Daniel just said “no way”. (They are being kept strictly apart!) It’s cold and rainy, so it will not do any good for her cough. She will be cold, wet and miserable but I guess in good company. Shared misery is always better isn’t it?


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