Today I had to sit down and write the letter to the Court, about my mum. It feels like I am betraying her, going behind her back, because some days she has a lucid mind and is almost her old self. But then other days, I believe she is probably completely gone. If she read the letter I finally wrote, she would probably never talk to me again. She doesn’t forgive. EVER! But at the same time, I was brought up by my dad to always tell the truth and that is exactly what I did. The truth and nothing else. And as sad as it is, the truth is unpleasant. She would misunderstand and in all likelihood feel that I should not have disclosed what I did. Nor would she agree with anything, but that would be because she doesn’t remember all the weird things she has done the last two years. She would take it as personal criticism. But I just tried to give the Court an idea what has been going on and to let them know, that I have not seen her for a long time, which means that I do not really know how much help that she needs, but that there is no doubt that she does need help.
The trustee went home to see her and I guess they had a good visit. My mum showed her all the paintings that she has painted in the past. I doubt she paints anymore. She also showed a piece of paper that she has on the kitchen table, reminding herself to take the medicines and she told Hurtig that she puts her pills there in the evening before going to bed so that she can not miss them in the morning. My question is, how does she remember to put the pills out in the evening? She also showed a medicine dispenser that she fills up for a whole week and she told Hurtig that she takes the pills every day. But she had not taken them that day, Hurtig noticed, and my mum just laughed and said “oops, I guess I forgot today”. How often does that happen? Just what I feared! Hurtig noticed that she has not taken the memory tablets at all and told her that she must go to a pharmacy and fetch them. Hurtig had put the prescription on the kitchen table, so she will remember. Sure! Is that going to work? How long has she gone without them? And what if she just cleans the prescription away? I was not at all re-assured by the information.
Elisabeth had tried to explain the letter from the Legal Guardian Office. What it meant. She realized how upset my mum was and how she had misunderstood everything. My mum had even admitted that she regretted writing the letter but Hurtig said to me that it’s too late now. One can’t go back on what one has started. I have no idea what will happen now. I’ve decided to not involve my sister at all. She has chosen to not have any contact with me through the years and she has not showed any interest in renewing contact after our mother became this way. If she has questions, she can contact me, but I refuse to have a monologue with her anymore. Communication goes two ways, otherwise, what’s the point?
The sad part was that Hurtig told me that I had to get the letter in by Monday and talked of e-mail but then she sent me a street address only! There is no way I can get anything to the Court, snail mail at this point. I managed to find an e-mail address but I am not sure one could really send the letter there. Now I have though, so I guess I will have to overcome my telephone phobia on Monday and explain what I have done? Nasty!