Inappropriate friends, what does one do about it?

Another sleepless night with occasional slumber accompanied by nightmares.  I don’t know why I care so much. Why can’t I just hear something awful, accept it and move on with my life?

It all started two years ago or was it three? Time has gone so quickly.  “Dollie” came home and said that a new girl had started school from the village of Genarp and that she was really shy and had a difficult time making friends. So both her teacher and I encouraged her to make this girl E. feel welcome. But then things started to sound weird. How she had come in on the first day of school and asked the girls in the class if they were “women yet”. They all sat and looked like question marks and then they came to understand that she meant, had their menstruation started. But the way she called it, becoming women and of bringing it up at all, was highly inappropriate and weird. She begged “Dollie” to come and visit her in Genarp over and over again. But I didn’t like it. First of all it is a long drive and while she promised that “Dollie” would be driven home, when it came to it, either her father would refuse OR he would swear his head off.

Then “Dollie” would come home telling all sorts of non-acceptable things. Like E. telling her that on her 15th Birthday she was going to have sex “to see what men are like”. I was appalled and felt nauseous that my daughter had befriended this girl with views totally opposite to ours. And not just that. She encouraged “Dollie” to tease a neighbour boy in Genarp, calling him homosexual and then saying that it was all “Dollie’s” suggestion and taking none of the blame for it so that I got balled out by E.’s mum. I refused to do anything about it since the girls should have been supervised and E.’s parents lack in everything there is to lack. “Dollie” also told me that E.’s cousin has approached her for sex during family reunions when she was way under age for that sort of thing!

Then last year, when E. is 13 years old, Daniel’s  classmate N., 14 years old, asks E. out on a date. I told “Dollie”, she will have sex with him in a short time, she will not wait till she is 15. “Dollie” would not believe me, not her fun friend that she dresses up with and make films for you-tube with. They dress up as farmers with fat tummies and speak the worse heavy  Skane-accent.  I don’t approve of the you-tube business but E. is the one that has posted their goofing around and encouraged “Dollie” to get on Facebook. I was furious with all of it. And then my husband comes and tells me that Daniel has revealed that N. is very sexually active.

When E. was going on her first date, her mum asks “Dollie” if I would allow such a thing and before “Dollie” could answer, E. said “she doesn’t allow her to do anything”. I guess that was the end of that discussion.  They have been a couple now for an entire year. When she comes here to “play” she just sits and sends SMSs to N. On the school-ending-ceremony in June her mum had bought her a mini dress, low cut, sexy on a 25-year-old that is on the way to a club to set herself up for a one-night-stand, but it was disgusting to sit and watch E. dressed like that for a school ceremony in the Catholic Church!

Monday, “Dollie” and I had a discussion about not telling the truth to someone and that keeping things secret from a person is the same as being dishonest because it insults more when the truth is revealed after a long time. I had once again found out that she and her father had gone behind my back with things I do not approve of (mobile phone this time) and would not allow if asked. Then she tells me “you might as well find out that E. and N. is having sex with each other. I found out three weeks ago and am so furious with her but she says it is sooooooo wonderful and her mother had put out contraceptives for her all summer, in the lavoratory”. I about fainted with anger when I heard it. The girl has just turned 14 and he 15. It is statuatory rape! I could phone the police and turn them in! What sort of parents does that girl have? They are sick! And “Dollie” that just spent the night at her place two weekends ago! Had I known, I would never have allowed it. Another school friend of “Dollie’s”, A., has told her parents and she now has orders to stay as far away from E. as possible. I have tried to tell “Dollie” the same thing. It is not a Christian thing, I know, but E. has crossed the line. This is disgusting. And she is not even keeping the appalling thing to herself but sitting telling her school mates that it is wonderful. Excuse me, but there is no way that sex with a 15-year-old boy can be wonderful. This girl has something lacking in her head. I am starting to wonder if there is not something bad going on at home. Not enough attention? No love at all? Has she been abused somehow which has turned her promiscuous? Because this girl wanted to be grown up as an 11-year-old and was longing for sex already then. THAT is not normal!

“Dollie” will never set her foot in Genarp again. I guess E. will soon be pregnant. They had not even used the protection her mum had placed out for E.  in the lavoratory, without saying a word. It sounds like the mum is actually afraid of her daughter, of setting rules and to take a confrontation. It is not normal that your 14-year-old has a sexlife and you should as a parent prevent this or you frankly has no business being a parent! I am sorry, but I feel so strongly about this. Is E. going to get pregnant now and raise a child with N. that even flirts with ME!? Not likely! So termination then? Does she even know what that entails? I think in horror about the things I had to go through in February-March when our beloved Serena Rose died in my belly. The awful scrapings I had to undergo, the blood transfusions, the nausea from surgery, it was a nightmare. It would feel no different if one doesn’t want the child one is expecting. Oh, this is so sick. My husband said yesterday, “Dollie” can’t go because E. is going to invite boys for her friends too. She wants her friends to join her in this new forbidden “game”. Sitting writing this I feel so angry, disappointed and disgusted.

“Dollie” is so depressed about the friendship lost since E. only has eyes for N. now. Daniel came and asked me “What do I write to N. on Facebook now? Mamma, how can you be so psychic? How did you know for over a year that this was going to happen? How?”. I looked at him sadly and said “Daniel, I am not at all happy about having been psychic about this thing! And I don’t know what you should write. Congratulations to breaking the law? I guess you can’t but I would have been tempted to!”.

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