Why is there no help?

Children are said to be a blessing. Why then is it so difficult to see one’s child with ADHD as a blessing? And the teenager that comes down in a foul mood in the morning and screams at everyone, especially her brother with ADHD, when she knows and has been told that it is counter productive and will cause hell for his teacher the rest of the day if he has a bad morning before leaving for school. I did everything to keep my calm, not use the name of his handicap since that will cause him to have a bad self esteem, speaking as kindly to him as possible so he would not loose it. At the same time, they had to hurry. The entire school is running in the town park today, all day, and they had to have proper clothes for it and food for all day. I packed “Cookie’s” and “Kitty’s” boxes right in front of them so they could see what is available and object if they did not like any of it to be put in there. “Kitty” was taking his omega like a good boy and eating his toast while he picked roll, an apple without a single spot or bruise on it (since he will not eat anything with spots on). I did not put on any margarine on the roll as told. I thought that I was doing good time wise and atmosphere wise. And then teenager enters the kitchen. Screams about the eggs having cracks on the shells. Screams that she hates pancakes and Erika is having Romana soup in a thermos. Well, good for her.  The screaming goes on because miss Lazy, that will never help with the laundry including carry her’s upstairs,  could not locate any leggings. She screams at “Kitty” for not being ready even though she was far from ready herself. Then she screams about there only being two Tupperware lunch boxes. Well, excuse me but my funds are limited and I thought TWO were a great investment at the price of 250 kronor à piece. I told her that at her age, one can use an old ice cream box or plastic bag. Suddenly she says she is a child. The teenager that wants to dress like a sex bomb! And then she exploded when I had bought little knitted gloves for 16 kronor à piece for her sister and brother. SHE CAN STILL WEAR CHILDREN’S CLOTHING! Excuse me but how was she going to fit her hands in to them? Her long nails would have poked holes in them right off! I pleaded for her to stop it since “Kitty’s” teacher is the one that has to pay for all this in the end and it would be so nice to fetch him and not get a report that he has been impossible all day. But she just screamed that she doesn’t care. I know she doesn’t care.

It feels like this is all killing me. After getting “Boo” off to pre-school, I sat down to check hotmail and there was a letter from “Kitty’s” teacher. He and his friend at school had been impossible yesterday, screaming, hitting younger children, refusing to obey, doing their own thing. I don’t know what to do?! It all feels so hopeless. God ought not give you a child with ADHD when you already have other children. All time can not be devoted to him. Time has to be shared between them but he needs someone ALL the time. What am I to do? I can’t watch over him 24 hours a day, I can not make him behave when we are not even in the same town during the day. The situation feels so hopeless and I sometimes feel like my worse enemies in this are his siblings that rev him up instead of helping. I love my boy but I feel so helpless. And while I have to muster up all my patience and can not give up, there are no reasons for the teachers to do so, nor other parents.

I really feel awfully lonely today. If I had any tears left, I would spend all day crying but what good would it do? Getting a head ache, taking aspirin, getting a tummy ache again from the medicine… And my nose getting congested so I have to overdose on nosespray! One foot in front of the other! Do not look down, just straight ahead!

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